The Bricks that Built my Wall

The power of music surrounds us everyday.  We use it to pump ourselves up for a workout.  We use it to get into the spirit of the holidays.  We use it to worship God. We use it to celebrate birthdays. We use it to mediate. We even use music to help us heal and release emotions.  Music seems to be a universal language of sorts.

For me, I have always had a special connection to music. It has a power so great, that at the right moment, with the right song, my soul can be moved so very deeply.  There really is nothing else in the physical world that can touch my soul like music can.

Growing up I didn’t realize just how important music would be to me and my journey.  Looking back now,   I can see the foreshadowing taking place as my life story was being created. 

My dad was always a lover of music.  I was always in awe of the hundreds of record albums he had lining the wall.  There was one particular album that we would always listen to,The Wall by Pink Flyod. I can remember being about 7 or 8 and  jamming out to the lyrics of “Another Brick in the Wall  Part  2“. What I didn’t know then was that every other song on that album I would soon eventually come to relate to.

By the time I was nine years old my parents had already divorced, I was the daughter of an alcoholic, and I was a survivor of secret sexual abuse.  In nine short years of my time on Earth, the bricks began to form. And everything that ever came next would be just “Another Brick in the Wall.” 

I feel in love at the very young age of fifteen, ” Young Lust“.  Who could really blame me,  I lived with my abuser and I just needed someone to love me. This is the time of my life where I was figuring out my self-worth, and I figured out I had none. Young love is painful, it is hard, you hurt and you get hurt.  You experience resentment, anger, fear, and criticism. All leading to “Another Brick in the Wall“.  My journey with him would last a decade.

Probably the most tragic thing in my life was the unexpected passing of my dad when I was nineteen. It left a huge void in my soul.  It would take years for me to completely understand how that one moment in time completely changed the course of my life and set me on my souls purpose.  ” Daddy’s flown across the ocean, leaving just a memory. Snapshot in the family album. Daddy what else did you leave for me? Daddy, what’d’ja leave behind for me?!? All in all it was just a brick in the wall. All in all it was all just bricks in the wall” “Another Brick in the Wall Part 1“.

Comfortably Numb” would become the theme of my life from this point on. I spent the next couple of years of my life participating in self-destructive behavior. Anything to numb my pain. Anything to fill the void that my twenty two years of life experience had caused me.  I was good at it. I hid my pain well.

By the time I was twenty-four I was married and had three children. We had gone from young love to adult love with all the stress that comes with it.  I was broken from loss and abuse and he was broken from abuse and war.  I needed so desperately to be loved and he had no idea how to show it.  It became very toxic, controlling, deceiving, and verbally abusive on both sides. We were two broken people trying to be normal.

 We spent the next 19 years in that toxic space. We raised three children together, I worked full-time, I was a soccer mom and coach, and I never felt so alone and unloved.  I was living on “Thin Ice“.  I had completely lost myself .  I had no idea who I was as a person, what I liked to do, I knew nothing about me or my soul.  I was a shell of a human being. 

I had spireled so far into my depression and was so lonely in my marriage that I just wanted to die. I thought about suicide all the time. I just wanted to run away and never return.  Goodbye cruel world, I’m leaving you today.  Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. “Goodbye Cruel World

I finally got the courage to leave my marriage.  It literally became either I leave or I die.  I know to some that may sound extreme and yes it probably was, but that was the state of mind I was in at the time.  I was completely broken.  The lyrics to “One of My Turns”  summarized that period of my life so well.  “Day after day, love turns grey, like the skin of a dying man. And night after night, we pretend its alright, but I have grown older and you have grown colder and nothing is very much fun anymore.” 

God gave me a second chance at love. I met the man that I knew was my soul mate.  He was my best friend, my confidant, the absolute love of my life.  I had never been in such a healthy relationship before. I no longer lived in a place of fear.  I trusted this man 100%. Most importantly I knew he loved my back.  He made me feel it everyday. He was my fairytale.  But what I didn’t know was that he was a broken soul too and the promises he made to me, he could not keep. He was the greatest love of my life and the biggest heartbreak of my life. One day we were perfect and in love and the next day it was over. I had to watch the man I loved and  planned a future with just walk away from me. “Don’t leave me now. Don’t say it’s the end of the road. Remember the flowers I sent. I need you, babe.” ” Don’t leave me now“.

I spent the following years being lost.  My soul was broken and I had no purpose. I was self-destructing and numbing all over again and I was alone. I was crying out for help! ” Hey you, out there in the cold Getting lonely, getting old Can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisles With itchy feet and fading smiles Can you feel me? Hey you, dont help them to bury the light Don’t give in without a fight.”  “Hey You

Then in 2015 my cries out to the universe to show me there is more ” Is Anybody out There” were finally answered.  I am never alone.  The spirit world embraced me and said you are done suffering.  We will give you purpose.  We will show you love. Today your healing journey begins. ” I don’t need no arms around me And I dont need no drugs to calm me. I have seen the writing on the wall. Don’t think I need anything at all. No! Don’t think I’ll need anything at all. All in all it was all just bricks in the wall. All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.” ” Another Brick in the Wall Part 3

I have done a lot of work to break down those blocks so they no longer define me.  I have completely changed my life and my perspective.  I sit in gratitude for the lessons presented to me and humbled by the experiences this life has given.  I wouldn’t be the Medium I am today without have taken the journey.

I pray that the blocks created by my experiences have not caused life long blocks for my children. “Hush now baby, baby, dont you cry. Mother’s gonna make all your nightmares come true. Mother’s gonna put all her fears into you. Mother’s gonna keep you right here under her wing. She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing. Mama will keep baby cozy and warm. Of course mama’ll help build the wall.”  ” Mother “. In my suffering I am sure I have caused harm to the children that I love so much. I hope through my own healing I can be an inspiration of love to them rather than a source of hurt and pain. 

Forty three years ago I was introduced to the album, The Wall.  That album represents  happy memories, painful emotions, hurt feelings, regret, and guilt.  But it also represents my journey, the connection I have to spirit, self-love, and the inspiration to help others heal by breaking down our blocks.

“Must the show go on?  Take me home. Let me go.  There must be some mistake. I didnt mean to let them take away my soul. Am I too old, is it too late?  Where has the feeling gone?  Will I remember the songs? The show must go on.”

I AM The Red Couch Medium

✨My Magical World✨

Tonight I attended a girls night ornament exchange party 🎉.  I was running late and still had not picked out an ornament that I was going to take.  As I left the house I ran through my mind all the stores between my house and the location of the party.  For some odd reason I decided on Wal-Greens.  Weird pace to stop for an ornament, but that’s what I was being pulled to do.  I walked up and down the Xmas isle and really couldn’t find any ornaments!  Then out of the corner of my eye I find one single ornament left on the shelf.  So I scooped it up and went on my merry way.

At the party, we played a game where we pass around all the wrapped ornaments. Once the game ends, whatever ornament you were left with at the end was yours to keep 🎁. 

My 🎁ended up in the hands of a lady by the name of Andi.  Andi was genuinely moved and somewhat shocked once she unwrapped the ornament❤️. 

She later found me to let me know just how special the ornament was to her. Two weeks ago she lost a very close family member. There was a particular ornament that this family member had hand painted a ☃️ on and Andi was going to bring it to the party for the ornament exchange. Before she was able to retrieve it from her family members home, the home caught 🔥and everything was destroyed.  Even the ornament. 

Well, the hand painted ornament that was destroyed in the fire 🔥 was the exact same ornament I had bought for this exchange and coincidently ended up in Andi’s hands out of 16 people who were playing the game. 

What a beautiful 🎁 from her loved one in spirit.  Now that’s a sign! 

Merry Christmas 🎄 

Tracey Escobar- The Red Couch Medium

When Inspiration Manifest to Reality

UPDATE 12/12/2018:  Since the writing of this blog, I have discovered the name of the resident/artist.  Her name is Evette Harvey of Denton, Texas.

Any good synchronicity story has a trail of DOTS that all connect.  If you go back far enough you can identify exactly where the story began that lead to a series of events that got me to today.  This seems to be a reoccurring theme on how the spirit world likes to work with me. They get me!  

But before I begin I have to mention my current state of mind because I feel it is connected somehow. I cant explain it, but I have this feeling, this force, this energy, pushing me right now. I haven’t felt like this since December, 2015 when my awakening first began. Now, three years later, I am a profession medium. I can only imagine what is in store for me now, it feels big. DOT.

Now lets start from the moment I feel this story began.  November 14th, a day at the park with my grand babies.  I snapped this picture of my grandson. Cute right?!   Everyone meet  Jeremiah. This was such a cute picture of him that captured the essence of who he is that I had to send it to his mom, my daughter.  We are going to place hold the story here and  I will circle back as it becomes relevant to the story later o.  DOT

Fast forward to Saturday December 1st, which happens to have been my birthday.  I received a message asking if I would like to be a presenter at a local Psychic Conference in March.  I eagerly accepted. DOT.

For this speaking commitment I would have to speak/teach on a topic for 1.5 hours. This will be my first time ever participating as a speaker and since I am a newbie I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes and take a subject someone else normally does. Scrambling for ideas,  I broke out 3 years of journals and class notes to get some inspiration on a topic.  Hope your keeping up. DOT.

I finally come up with and idea on a topic.  I love the topic so much that not only can I speak about it, I think I can even develop a class on it.  Possible even a book!  I feel the momentum so strongly. Like I am being called to do it. Dot! I began brainstorming and outlining my ideas.  While flipping through my journals I was reminded of a concept I had for a cover of a workbook or book that I would one day write. I always knew deep within my soul that I would be a creator one day.  I knew from a young age a book was in me. This journal entry was dated April 29th, 2017. A doodle of a concept of a little girl holding a teddy bear in front of a brick wall. Behind the wall was a heart.I knew I would have to find someone to draw my concept out for me once I had a home for it. Well, I think I have a home for it now! This concept would be PERFECT for my class idea.  Time to manifest this into reality.  Dot.

Its now December 5th, I am working on my class and decide to take a break and check social media. Scrolling through Instagram I see that my daughter posted a picture of Jeremiah.  A resident at the apartment complex she works at does drawings.  She took the picture of Jeremiah I took at the park and made a sketch version. So good, right! From this point you will begin to understand why the picture was so relevant to the story.

I reached out to  my daughter to see if maybe her resident would do a commissioned piece for me to help me bring my concept to life (I feel its important to note that I have friends who are artist and could have done this for me easily. Spirit had other plans in mind). DOT.  I sent my daughter a  message explaining what exactly I wanted with a picture from my journal entry.  She agreed to reach out to her apartment resident and let me know if she would do the commissioned piece for me. Please forgive the unforgiving use of word predict in my text message.

Hopefully by now I have your full attention, because you are about to be mind blown!

The following day I get two urgent calls and an urgent text message from my daughter. “Mom, you have to call me back as soon as you can!”.  So of course I called her back.  She proceeds to tell me that she spoke with her resident about my idea.  The resident was a little taken back at first and explained to my daughter that she had drawn that very concept five years ago.  She said sometimes she gets ideas and “knows” that they will manifest into something one day.  She went back to her apartment to see if she could find the artwork she had done.  She brought this back….dated almost exactly 5 years ago to the day.  December 12, 2013. DOT DOT DOT!

I have spent most of the night trying to logically explain how this could possibly happen. Maybe I had seen this image before and stored it in my sub-conscience.  Maybe it wasn’t an original concept.  I scoured the internet trying to find this image out there.  I turned up nothing.  But even if it wasn’t original, how could I explain the series of events that led me to reach out to a person I never met to create a concept that she had done as well 5 years ago? There is no explanation other than this, we are all one. There is a master plan in place. All things happen for a reason.  You have to surrender, trust, and believe that the inspiration you are given is coming from a higher place.  I received validation in a really big way that I am meant to create and develop the idea and inspiration that was given to me in 2017.  Apparently the time is now. Perfectly divine timing.  

Stay tuned for a class coming to you soon. 

The Red Couch Medium-Tracey

The Climb

The Climb

A part of my great adventure this month was having the pleasure to visit Ireland. Coming off an emotional week in England where I was knee deep in 24/7 mediumship and self recognition, it was really hard to go to such a beautiful country and not be reflective.  In fact even just the color of the country had me mesmorized in the beauty this world holds.  During my stay in Ireland I visited MANY beautiful places and took MANY beautiful pictures and each one touched me in one way or another.  It is really hard to explain but my soul was doing some major transformation on this trip.  I have never felt closer to God, the spirit world, and myself.  No hint of anxiety, depression, or worry.  Just me and the beauty that surrounded me.  I had many conversations with myslef and I am sure my spirit team helped to facilitate some of that.  There were some things I needed my soul to hear and through that has come some incredible growth.  Since this blog is about my mediumship journey, let me share with you the magical experiences I had and the revelations that came to me through the incredible sites of Northern Ireland.

Day 2 of my stay we went to Cavehill to hike.  If you take a look at the top picture you can see the pathway of this “climb”.  Looks simple right?  HECK TO THE NO!  That was far from a simple climb for a girl from Little Elm, Texas with no regular hiking regim.  I remember looking up from the bottom of the hill and telling myself there is NO WAY i can get to the top.  Now, do you see what I just did right there?  I told myself it couldnt be done before I even started.  Self sabatoge?  Yes!  Exactly what I have done my entire adult life.  So do you think that may have an effect on my mediumship?  You betcha!  And this was the exact conversation that I was having with myself.  Then I remembered a song that I had heard back when I was at the mediumship college in England. At the time I heard it, it stuck with me but I wasn’t really sure why.  I ended up downloading it and wouldn’t ya know…..it was exactly what I needed to hear as I faced this “HILL” literally AND in my mediumship.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it
Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking……
After reflecting and remembering those lyrics I decided to put those words into action. Instead of focusing on the end result, I just needed to focus on the present and take one step at a time.  And so I did. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, never looking beyond each step and eventually through hard work, some struggle, and a few breaks, I MADE IT TO THE TOP!  So if I can do that for the “literal” mountain, then I need to do the exact same thing for my “mediumship” mountain. Stop focusing on the end result, stop worrying about whats nexts, stop trying to race to the top.  Instead just enjoy the journey of the climb.

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb…….

In closing, as I had mentioned at the beginning of this post that there were MANY experiences that I had in Ireland and MANY pictures taken.  The second picture above was taken at Rope Bridge. It too has a special meaning to me because it really captures the essence of  “trust”. And like many other experiences, I know it was no accident that this photo was captured and that I was there to walk across it.  It was a very much needed lesson for me on this trip.  Like I needed to trust the bridge would hold me and not let me fall, I also needed to trust spirit in my mediumship.  It is the single thing that is holding me back and I needed desperately to be reminded that they will forever have my back and carry me through and not let me fall.  It amazes me everyday just how intellegent the spirit world is and if you take the time to connect the dots you can just see the magic in it all.  Feeling so very very blessed.
I AM A MEDIUM

Soul Shine

 

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“When you can’t find the light
That guides you through a cloudy day
When the stars ain’t shinin’ bright
You feel like you’ve lost you’re way
When the candle light of home
Burns so very far away
Well, you got to let your soul shine
Just like my daddy used to say”-

“He used to say soulshine
It’s better than sunshine
It’s better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain
Hey now people, don’t mind
We all get this way sometime
Got to let your soul shine, shine till the break of day”

-Soul Shine-Warren Haynes , Beth Hart Version

This song was introduced to me last week while attending Arthur Findlay College in Stansted England while taking the course “The Modern Medium”.   I hadn’t realized it at the time, but just like most things that happen to me, I now know that it wasn’t by accident.  This song now represents my entire week spent at the school.  I started the week off wanting to learn all the mechanical aspects of making my mediumship better.  I ended the week a totally different person who just went through an entire week of self discovery.  What I thought I needed to make my mediumship better wasn’t what I needed at all.  They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear.  Well, they have.  Last year at the college I  studied under Jackie Wright.  It was the most incredible foundation of mediumship I could have asked for.  I will never forget her and the influence she has had on me.  I have a solid foundation, or as she would put it, “Tracey your roots are strong”.  My intentions this year was to go back and build on that foundation.  Once I arrived at the College I was placed in John Johnsons group.  I had no idea at the time, but he was the tutor my soul needed.  Instead of spending the next week on the mechanics of mediumship, we went through a journey of self discovery. “To be a good medium, you must first know yourself”, he would explain.  “The things that are wrong in your mediumship, are truly things that are wrong within yourself.”  “You must do your soul work, then your mediumship will come and be the best it could possibly be”. You see, how can I bring the essence of the spirit world  alive if I have shut off my emotions and built walls due to my own life traumas?  How can I bring Heaven to Earth if I lack confidence in myself?  How can I give a voice to the voiceless if I cant voice my own opinions because of my insecurities and fear?  And so began our soul work.  Eleven of us put together in this class of self discovery. To say there were a lot of tears over the week would be an understatement. By the end of the week we would sit in front of the class and be vulnerable and raw and speak of the things we were not proud of about ourselves, the things we were proud of , the things we never told about ourselves. We would all be forever changed.   We all let our Soul Shine.

During this process of self discovery there were a few ah-ha moments that I learned about myself.  I can now pin-point when the spirit world drew close to me when I suffered some child hood trauma.  I know they walked through life by my side always protecting me while I got some things out of my system.  At the time I felt the least loved in the world and questioned my own existence and desperately cried out for my own identity is the exact moment they embraced me and started preparing me for this journey.  It has taken over ten years to get to this exact moment in my life, but I can now see how and why everything has happened the way that it has in order to get me here. Everything is exactly how it should be.   All the dots are finally connecting.

I am often asked, why would you want to be a Medium?  I finally have my answer.  I don’t “want” to be a Medium.  I am a Medium.  It is what makes my soul shine. This is who I am.  This is the reason I exist.  I am here to bring Heaven to Earth.  To give a voice to the voiceless.  To capture the essence of their soul so they too have a chance to let their soul shine once again.

“Oh, it’s better than sunshine
It’s better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah, now people don’t mind
We all feel this way sometimes
Gotta let your soul shine, shine till the break of day”

I am a Medium.

 

 

 

 

Just Deliver The Message

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My experiences are starting to become more and more frequent and expanding beyond the class room or practice groups. I have now started to get messages and communication from spirit at random times and for people I hadn’t expected.  With this growth also comes the internal conflicts I have to face now.  In a class environment everyone is there for the same purpose and have a similar belief system regarding the metaphysical.  I am the norm there.  But now spirit has decided its time to for me to work for them and I may have to deal with people who think I am a fake, or crazy, or in cahoots with the devil himself.

Recently I was faced with this very issue.  On the way to class I started to receive messages.  Sometimes I get very little and sometimes I get a lot.  This time, spirit was very good at communicating with me and told me a story.  I couldn’t wait to get to a place I could park so I could make sure I could write it all down.  Here is the message as it was told to me.

“I am an uncle.  Big burley guy with a beard who loved the outdoors. I had an accident but I didn’t die at that time.  I died later, but it was related to the accident.  My wife suffered after my death.  She was so broken hearted.  She died of a broken heart.  My death sparked a domino affect, death after death after death in a short amount of time.” I felt his wife with him.  But he did all the talking.  He was her strength. Then I was given these images….a domino, a swatch of a pink baby blanket, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, the name Laurie and the name Maddison.  A message of THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU followed.

Once I received the name Laurie, I was taken back for a second.  I had just recently started communicating with my daughter-in-laws step mom, Shelly.  Earlier that week we had our first ever real conversation where I got to know her a little.  I vaguely remembered her mentioning her sister named Laurie who had passed about 4 months ago. Could it be?   Does that then make the man who came to me in spirit my daughter-in-laws UNCLE?  WHOA!  I barely know these people.  What I do know is they are very CHRISTIAN! I cant go to her with this…she will think I am CRAZY! My poor son with the CRAZY family!   All this happened right before class mind you.  So I had plenty of time to stew on it.  Then it happened…during class we practiced giving each other readings.  The person who got me, not knowing a thing about what was really going on in my head that day,  said these magic words.  “Just deliver the message and don’t worry about what they think of you.” SHIT! Excuse my language, but SHIT!

Taking the advice I had been given, after class I messaged Shelly.  “Didn’t you say your sisters name was Laurie?”    She replied, “yes, why?”  And so it began.  Prefacing the message with “you may think I am crazy but….”.  I delivered the message I had received and the images given to me. She was not sure what to think of it all.  Her beliefs say that this is wrong and you should not seek out mediums.  However, she felt the need to absorb the information I had given her and replied back with her story along with a picture of her sister with a big burley guy with a beard.  I am going to paraphrase this a little because our communication over messenger went back and forth for quite awhile.

“About 10-15 years ago the brother of my sisters high school friend was shot in the back and paralyzed.  3 years ago my sister was asked by the family if she would be interested in helping them and becoming  his caretaker. They developed a romantic relationship. She was his legs and he was her brain (she had suffered an aneurysm years ago and suffered from memory loss).  This past August he had to have surgery and ended up passing away. The ME officially stated his death was related to his original injuries.   4 weeks to the day, my sister died of  a spontaneous coronary artery dissection (a tear in the heart). Then in December my uncle passed away (death, after death, after death within a 3 month span).  After their death a neighbor was caught breaking into the house to try and steal his domino’s.   My all time favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast. My sister left behind 2 teenage girls. One of which is pregnant and leaning towards the name Addison.  The other daughter had  put a piece of her pink baby blanket in with her mother.”

Just deliver the message, spirit says.  Leave the rest in our hands.

I am a Medium.

 

 

Simply Marlo

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This past week I was privileged enough to be invited to a birthday dinner for a dear women whom I knew in high school.  The dinner was being given by her very close life long friends whom all live in the surrounding area.  Marlo was her name and she passed away in 2015 after a long battle with cancer. While I was getting ready for the dinner I couldn’t help but wonder if Marlo would be joining us tonight and if so would she talk to me and help me pass on some healing messages to her friends that miss her so much.  Lately spirit has been communicating with me while I am driving.  This time was no different.  On my way to dinner I started to get information.  I started getting specific messages and images and even a song “put your hands up, their playing our song, the butterflies fly away”.  I knew it was Marlo.  Even her dad decided to come forward and say hi as well.  I was so thrilled that I would finally have the opportunity to share this with my friends who were all still hurting from the loss of their lifetime friend.

I arrived early for dinner and sat at the bar and caught up with one of the “fab five”, the nickname they gave themselves.  I was bursting with excitement and couldn’t wait to share!!  Eventually everyone else showed up.  My excitement quickly turned to fear. Instead of sitting at a small table with just myself and her three close friends, I was at a huge table with her three close friends, spouses, mothers, kids, and friends of theirs I never met.  WHOA!   By this time however, I had an open flow of communication with Marlo and the info wasn’t stopping.  Her energy was so strong I was having a really hard time not making it obvious. A couple of times during  dinner one of the kids kept calling me out because she would notice me with my eyes closed, “are you really tired or something?”.    One of my friends called out later, “Tracey is zoning out”.  HAHA, if only they knew what was going on in my head.  I was faced with the torment of what to do.  Do I go ahead and deliver the messages?  But, there are people I don’t know!  What if they think I am crazy!  Also there are kids! Not sure that would be appropriate.  So I decided to hold back.  Instead of delivering the messages straight forward, I would just suggest topics of conversation.

“How is her mom doing?”  Marlo was very concerned about her mom and the losses she has suffered in the past year and a half.  Marlo passed in 2015.  Marlo’s sister and Marlo’s daughter passed in 2016.  ” Has Marlo’s dad passed away?”  Marlo’s dad had stepped in to say hi and to let everyone know he was there with everyone in heaven. “So tell me about your favorite stories and memories of Marlo.”  Marlo had shared with me that she doesn’t want everyone to feel sad anymore.  She wants her memory to live on with the memories of the fun crazy times (and trust me there are MANY).  She wants those fun memories shared to her children so that they remember her that way and not of always being sick.  Have her legacy live on with the all the stories that can be shared.  That is about all I could get away with at the dinner without outing myself as a Medium.

When I finally got home that night I immediately messaged the members of the “fab five” to share with them the detail of the messages I got.  She was happy, pain free, and with her daddy, sister, and daughter and watching over everyone and thanking them all for watching over her remaining children, grandchildren and her mom. She made special mention to Dani for recently spending time with her son and grandchildren.  That was her way of saying she was there and she is aware.  Also she made mention of tattoos that have been done in remembrance her and a special hi to the person with the white poodle. There is a special blanket that someone has and someone please reach out to her mama.  But most importantly, remember the good times and she really enjoyed her birthday celebration,  ” its a party in the USA”.

-I am a Medium

My Magical World

magic

 

Magic found me this weekend.  It has been awhile and I truly missed it. That experience that makes you sit back in awe and validates that the life most people believe to be true is so much more.  I feel like I have been let in on this little secret of the universe, only its not a secret at all.  Its available to anyone willing to listen.

My Saturday started like any other Saturday.  This weekend was class weekend and as usual I started getting messages from spirit.  I was feeling pretty anxious, so I laid down with pen and paper and just wrote the details I was being given.  I definitely had a grandma who wanted to communicate.  She gave me some pretty specific details and then at the end a name, Dorothy.  Now, since I am still a practicing Medium my confidence is not 100%.  I question all the time if what I hear inside my head is spirit or my imagination and my own thoughts.  I was looking forward to class to see if anything I was getting was right.

At the beginning of class our facilitator always demonstrates for us.  This time my grandmother (moms side) decided she wanted to give me a message.  I have never met her in person.  She passed away when my mom was thirteen.  I was given a nice message from her.  What sticks out in my mind the most and is a pivotal to this story was the message of ” I am here to help you with your mediumship, just call on me.  I will help souls find you and help guide you to the person that needs the message.” Wow, that was powerful for me and comforting that I have help on the other side.  Now for the skeptics in the world I can hear the term in my head-HOGWASH!  Hmmmm, but is it?  Read on….

A part of every class we are given the opportunity to try and link with the spirit of a loved on in our class.  It was my turn to get up in front of the class and give it a go.  I was feeling pretty confident because of the details I was getting earlier in the day. So I started to deliver what I was getting.  I had two people in the class who could validate pieces of the information I was getting, but neither could take 100% of it. Although my classmates felt I did a great job,  in my heart I just knew that I was off somewhere.  It did not feel like a successful attempt to me at all.  Oh, and neither could take the name Dorothy.   Confidence down!

Every medium at some point will question their abilities.  Maybe I am not cut out for this.  Maybe spirit changed their mind and doesn’t want to work with me.  I went to bed that night thanking GOD for the magic I have experienced so far and asked for another experience to be shown to me to get me over this slump.  I need an little nudge to keep on keeping on.  Sunday morning I received a Snapchat message from a friend who is aware of the “woo woo” stuff I do.  She was seeing a repetitive number and asked if I knew what it meant.  I referred her to a website that talks about angle numbers and we chatted a minute about how the meaning really resonated with her.  Note:  We do NOT chat often at all.  It was out of the norm that she sent me a message.    Once we ended our conversation I got that “feeling”.  I felt the energy of spirit try and get my attention.  The first thing that popped in my head was “Polka Dot”.  Random!!!  This intense felling would not go away and I was compelled to reach back out to my friend and ask her if that meant anything.  She replied with “hmmmm ?”.  I sat with it a minute more and it came to me that spirit was trying to tell me something about the word Dot.  It was a nickname.  So again, reluctantly reaching back out asked my friend “do you know anyone that has the nickname Dot?”  “Yes, my grandma (moms side) her name was Dottie and was referred to as Dot a lot.”  Ah HA! I went and told her some of the messages and details I was getting and she was able to validate them all.  Then it occurred to me to ask…”was her full name Dorothy by chance?”.  She quickly replied…”Yes”.  Then it all hit me.  All the information I was getting on Saturday was my friends grandmother!  I ran to get my notebook to start asking her questions to she if she could validate any of the information I had gotten. E V E R Y T H I N G was validated!  I found my Dorothy and her family.  My heart is FULL!

You would think that would be the end of that magical story, but it goes on.  My dad likes to communicate with me through song lyrics.  Our favorite album is  The Wall by Pink Floyd.  While I was in London last year starting this journey he let me know he was around by randomly putting the lyric “if you don’t eat your meat, you cant have any pudding.  You cant have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!”  Its like his calling card for me to let me know he has my back.  So while my family were all winding down for the night and I was in thought of just how amazing this world, universe and God is my daughter decides to change the channel.  She puts it on the movie TED. Barely paying any attention to the movie at all, I all of a sudden hear TED say……”if you don’t eat your meat you cant have any pudding!  You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!”  I think my daddy just gave me a little pat on the back. Magic!

I am a Medium.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Mediums New Year

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Here we go, the start of a new year.  New hopes, new dreams, new beginnings, new endings.  Its a time of the year for manifesting the things you want.  For envisioning your life as you want it to be.  For me this time of year is like a double edge sword.  I have all the hopes, wants, dreams, wishes, and plans like everyone else, but I am also plagued by the very real and very heavy burden of death.  On the first of the year when everyone celebrates, I seek solitude.  I pray for all the lives that will be affected in the new year by the loss of a loved one.   I carry the burden of feeling the devastation of loss that will come with the new year for so many.  This year will be LIFE CHANGEING for so many!

During a recent meditation I found myself stuck in the Wizard of Oz movie. My mind kept flipping back in forth in a loop that I could not jump out of between the scene of the tornado and the scene of the beautiful yellow brick road leading to the beautiful OZ.  Then I thought of all the turmoil Dorothy experienced on the way and the words “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home” stayed on repeat.  They symbolic messages within that movie have brought me some solace.   Although I deeply hurt for those of us left behind, I know in my heart of hearts that there is “no place like home” and the loved ones that have left this earthly plane are indeed home now.  Their  tornado is over.

I have taken time this first week of the year to gain my strength so that I can prepare to help heal those of us left behind and spread the word that our loved ones are very much still around ….just in a different form.  They continue to love us and help guide us and celebrate the celebrations of life with us.  I also take this time to pray for healing love to be spread over the ones who will lose someone dear to them this year.  I love you!

Crossing Borders-A Mediums Struggle

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Next month marks a year since my crazy journey began and my gifts were for better terms, awaken.  Looking back I miss the naïve, excited, curious, oblivious person I was regarding my gift.  I am now at the part of my journey where I know better. I am aware that not everyone believes in what I experience. Not everyone finds it exciting and magical.  I am more cautious now because not everyone wants to connect with a crossed over loved one. Not everyone  is ready to hear about an experience I had.  I feel the isolation that this gift brings at times.  I have become hyper sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt. I border on living in my spiritual world and living main stream.  In my spiritual world I feel safe to be me.  Its the main stream world I am struggling with at the moment.  When I see my main stream friends and I get a message from their loved one, do I share it?  What if I freak them out?  What if they start withdrawing from me?  What if that same fear causes me to withdraw from them?  Because of my hyper sensitivity to energy, I am already withdrawing from being out in public too much.  I cant tell you how many times this month I would go to the grocery store and just sit in the parking lot unable to go in. I would end up just going back home.  I just couldn’t deal with the wide open spaces and the large amount of people.  Ok, this can not be good right?   Ugh!!  I guess this is the part of the journey call GROWING PAINS!

A major border I am dealing with right now is WORK.  Yes, I have a main stream career. I am in sales and I have been with this company almost 20 years.  I am the sole provider of income in my home. A couple of weeks ago I ran into my ex-husband and he had some words of advice to give me…”you shouldn’t post any of this medium stuff on Facebook or tell anyone at work, you could lose your job”.  What? Really? I could lose my 20 year career because dead people talk to me? Could I really?  Now that is a reality check for me.  I never ever would have even considered that to be possible.  And it probably isn’t, but the fact that there are people out there that believe that to be true makes it completely possible!!! So what now?  Live a secret life?  Remove all work related friends from my social media pages?  Isolate more?   This has been on my mind a lot lately.  I have had to do some soul searching and found that just because now I am knowledgeable about the world around me doesn’t mean I have to live my life in fear of it.  This is who I am and spirit chose me to work with them. This is their rodeo. Let the chips fall where they will….

Spirit obviously has not borders that separate my personal life from my business life and when there is a message to be given, they can be pretty persistent. Back in October I was sitting in a large conference room surrounded by my co-workers listening to a training presentation being given.  While everyone else is jotting down notes, I am jotting down messages from a mom in spirit.  Back then there was NO WAY I was telling anyone at work (except for a few close people I trusted) what I was experiencing.  So I jotted “my notes” and just kept that all to myself.  Secretly I was dying to ask someone about it just so I could validate what I was getting, but not enough to out myself to my management team. That experience with the mom in spirit stayed with me.  I was never able to just let it go and move on.  I just knew in my gut it was meant for someone in that room that day. Fast forward to December and our office Christmas lunch.  The night before lunch I was starting to feel the presence of spirit and the only thing I heard was the name Susan. Well, I do not know a Susan that had crossed over so I just brushed it off as my imagination. The next morning while I was getting ready for our luncheon I had the memory of the mom who was with me in the conference room back in October.  Back that day the one thing that stood out the most was a vision of Raggedy Ann she was showing me.  Why am I still thinking about that!!!!  A few minutes later my co-worker who I had confided with sent me a text.  She had found out the name of another co-workers mom who had passed away a few years back.  She was hoping I would be able to connect with her mother for her.   In her text she wrote…” her moms name is Susan”.  Whoa!  Are you kidding me??  Am I ready to cross over and mix my personal life with my business world?  At this point I do not think I have a choice.  This momma obviously wants her daughter to know she is around.   She has tried to get my attention since October!    So I did it.  I broke through the border.  I shared with her the story of the day back in the conference room.  Raggedy Ann was a huge reference for her and validation.  It was also great validation for me that I am not crazy!  So now my close circle of two people at work knowing has grown to a whopping four.  Baby steps haha! Its only a matter of time before it spreads like wildfire.  Hopefully I don’t get burned.  Guess its all part of the gig I signed up for before I was born.  I have to trust that God and Spirit know what they are doing and I will have to surrender to the fact that I am a Medium.