Next month marks a year since my crazy journey began and my gifts were for better terms, awaken. Looking back I miss the naïve, excited, curious, oblivious person I was regarding my gift. I am now at the part of my journey where I know better. I am aware that not everyone believes in what I experience. Not everyone finds it exciting and magical. I am more cautious now because not everyone wants to connect with a crossed over loved one. Not everyone is ready to hear about an experience I had. I feel the isolation that this gift brings at times. I have become hyper sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt. I border on living in my spiritual world and living main stream. In my spiritual world I feel safe to be me. Its the main stream world I am struggling with at the moment. When I see my main stream friends and I get a message from their loved one, do I share it? What if I freak them out? What if they start withdrawing from me? What if that same fear causes me to withdraw from them? Because of my hyper sensitivity to energy, I am already withdrawing from being out in public too much. I cant tell you how many times this month I would go to the grocery store and just sit in the parking lot unable to go in. I would end up just going back home. I just couldn’t deal with the wide open spaces and the large amount of people. Ok, this can not be good right? Ugh!! I guess this is the part of the journey call GROWING PAINS!
A major border I am dealing with right now is WORK. Yes, I have a main stream career. I am in sales and I have been with this company almost 20 years. I am the sole provider of income in my home. A couple of weeks ago I ran into my ex-husband and he had some words of advice to give me…”you shouldn’t post any of this medium stuff on Facebook or tell anyone at work, you could lose your job”. What? Really? I could lose my 20 year career because dead people talk to me? Could I really? Now that is a reality check for me. I never ever would have even considered that to be possible. And it probably isn’t, but the fact that there are people out there that believe that to be true makes it completely possible!!! So what now? Live a secret life? Remove all work related friends from my social media pages? Isolate more? This has been on my mind a lot lately. I have had to do some soul searching and found that just because now I am knowledgeable about the world around me doesn’t mean I have to live my life in fear of it. This is who I am and spirit chose me to work with them. This is their rodeo. Let the chips fall where they will….
Spirit obviously has not borders that separate my personal life from my business life and when there is a message to be given, they can be pretty persistent. Back in October I was sitting in a large conference room surrounded by my co-workers listening to a training presentation being given. While everyone else is jotting down notes, I am jotting down messages from a mom in spirit. Back then there was NO WAY I was telling anyone at work (except for a few close people I trusted) what I was experiencing. So I jotted “my notes” and just kept that all to myself. Secretly I was dying to ask someone about it just so I could validate what I was getting, but not enough to out myself to my management team. That experience with the mom in spirit stayed with me. I was never able to just let it go and move on. I just knew in my gut it was meant for someone in that room that day. Fast forward to December and our office Christmas lunch. The night before lunch I was starting to feel the presence of spirit and the only thing I heard was the name Susan. Well, I do not know a Susan that had crossed over so I just brushed it off as my imagination. The next morning while I was getting ready for our luncheon I had the memory of the mom who was with me in the conference room back in October. Back that day the one thing that stood out the most was a vision of Raggedy Ann she was showing me. Why am I still thinking about that!!!! A few minutes later my co-worker who I had confided with sent me a text. She had found out the name of another co-workers mom who had passed away a few years back. She was hoping I would be able to connect with her mother for her. In her text she wrote…” her moms name is Susan”. Whoa! Are you kidding me?? Am I ready to cross over and mix my personal life with my business world? At this point I do not think I have a choice. This momma obviously wants her daughter to know she is around. She has tried to get my attention since October! So I did it. I broke through the border. I shared with her the story of the day back in the conference room. Raggedy Ann was a huge reference for her and validation. It was also great validation for me that I am not crazy! So now my close circle of two people at work knowing has grown to a whopping four. Baby steps haha! Its only a matter of time before it spreads like wildfire. Hopefully I don’t get burned. Guess its all part of the gig I signed up for before I was born. I have to trust that God and Spirit know what they are doing and I will have to surrender to the fact that I am a Medium.