I promised myself when I started documenting this journey that I would include everything.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  Well, this week has been full of highs and lows.  I had taken five steps ahead in my confidence level only to take six steps back yesterday.  Everyone looking in from the outside thinks “what a gift to have”, but you have no idea the personal responsibility that weighs on a Medium and the amount of work and perseverance it takes to become a good one. Many tears I have shed, days I want to give up, fear I have to fight through, yet a handful of hearts I have helped heal.

It had been a great week!  I had been receiving many messages an validations on a project I have been led to do. I am starting to get really excited about the direction this journey is taking me. I have come out of the psychic closet publicly.  No more hiding what I am and what I am doing.  My confidence is gaining momentum.  I am starting to see the results of the work I have put in over the last 10 months.  Saturday I even woke up to an amazing message from a friend who read my blog about my experience with her and her son who is on the other side.  My heart was so full!  I was pretty excited about the day.  It was class day!   Every other Saturday I attend a psychic development class followed immediately by a mediumship development class. I only get 2 Saturdays a month to practice and develop my skills, so when its class day I get really excited!

The start of psychic development class was no different than any other time I have been.  We usually start with a meditation so that we can get into the zone.  This meditation however was a little different.  Instead of meeting a guide who gives me a message I was greeted by a young boy. The experience with him was a little surreal. I have never been interrupted during a meditation by someone in spirit. He held my hand and we ran through the fields.   He carried with him a small truck in his hand.  I spent the whole meditation getting to know him.  While on Earth he was sick.  He had an illness for a long time.  He was showing me that he is ok now.  He is playing an laughing with me.  Once the meditation was over I knew that this little boy must belong to someone in class.  Why else would he come to me?  In my mind he was this little reddish/blonde haired  boy with freckles who had cancer and passed away and wanted to let someone know he was ok and he didn’t want them to be sad anymore.  There was a new man that had come to class that day that I was strangely being pulled toward.  I could feel his hurt and pain.  He was in great turmoil emotionally (I am an empathy and I can feel others emotions).  This little boy must belong to him.  He also has reddish blonde hair.  I was 99% sure!!!  Him and I were put together during class to work on a psychic exercise.  I got up the guts to ask him if he or anyone he had known lost a little red head boy.  He sat and thought for a moment and said “no”. No?  Really?  I was 99% sure he was for him!!  I couldn’t believe it.  At that point I had lost all focus. How could I have been so sure about something like that and It not be true!!  Although I tried not to show it, I was devastated!

Class soon ended and the mediumship development class was about to start.  The man I had been focused on stayed for the next class and two new women came in.  I sat in the corner of the room still trying to figure out where I had gone wrong.  I saw everything in my mind.  It has taken me 10 months to trust what I see.  How could I have imagined this little boy?   I was determined to figure it out.  During class we all take turns standing up and connecting with someone’s loved one on the other side. When it was my turn I continued to focus on this man.  During the last class he had told me he mom had passed when he was in his late twenties.  So I let me mind create the scenario that maybe his mom was the one connecting with me and trying to show me him as a child and she was the one actually sick.  Well let me tell you, that was a train wreck!  I was defeated and I gave up.

Another regular student in the class who I have gotten close to  had a turn to go up and give it a try.  The first thing she said is “I have a little boy here, maybe 7”.  WHAT? Is that my same little boy?   She went on to say “there is definitely a little boy, has anyone lost a son?” I looked around the room and could not believe that one of the new ladies was nodding her head with the caveat that the age didn’t fit. I was dumfounded.  Was that my little boy that I had seen in my meditation?  I sat and watched as the reading was being given and was still unsure if they were the same.  This is a development class so not a lot of detail is required at this level.  She got that daisy’s were significant and a high school.  It wasn’t until she gave the message as why he was here that I KNEW that was my little boy.  The message to the mom was ” I don’t want you to be sad anymore”.  That was the same message my little boy gave me to deliver.  I could not believe I go it all so wrong!!  Was I too over confident?  Why did I continue to focus on the wrong person even after he told me it wasn’t for him? Why did I translate a long illness to cancer?  You see, this mom lost her son who was 13 of a heart attack while he was at baseball camp.  How did I get it all completely wrong?  How could I let this beautiful spirit down and more importantly let down his mom from receiving a his message?  I have not been able to shake the experience.  I hardly slept replaying in my mind exactly where I went wrong.  Chose to be alone today to sort it all out.  I know there has to be a lesson embedded somewhere.

After playing hermit today and shedding some tears I can now look back and see what went wrong.  I gave up.  I tried to force something.  No doesn’t mean I was wrong, no means the interpretation I had was wrong.  I should have pushed through it.  I shouldn’t have been so focused on the detail being exactly right.  Regardless I will not let that one experience defeat me.  I will push on.  Its about growth, and I have truly grown from the experience.  I am a Medium!