Mediumship Is Like A Rose

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The most profound quote I have come across since starting this journey was by the famous Medium, John Holland. ” Your gifts are like a rose unfolding.  You cannot force the bloom.  When the rose is opened, then and only then, will you see it, feel it, and finaly know it.”   As I reflect back from where I started to where I am now, that quote for me is even more powerful for me today. I do not believe that anyone just wakes up one day and can announce they are a Medium. It truly is a journey with a beginning and an end. It’s all the stuff that happens in between that molds you, offers you growth, understanding, knowledge, wisdom, patience, compassion and the true gift….truth. I am a blooming rose. I have to nurture my gift, feed it, take care of it, embrace it, and enjoy the beauty of it. Each pedal is a different lesson being presented to me one at a time. And sometimes if I dont get it the first time, spirit will show me again in another experience.

Spirit gave me an opportunity this weekend to overcome and correct my mistakes that I had made a couple of weeks ago with a little boy who came to me from spirit and I allowed my brain to get in the way and over think it.  It was a huge missed opportunity for me to deliver his message. My mistake was thinking the message from him was meant for one student in class and when this student couldn’t take the information i was giving him, I tried to force it.  My brain told me it had to be for him. When in actuallity I should let it go and trusted what I was getting and kept going to see if any other student in the room could relate.  Turns out this little boys mom was there.  I almost allowed that same mistake to happen again to me this week.  Almost!

I have noticed that I start picking up information before or on my way to class.  This past Saturday was no different. I was watching a little TV before it was time to leave and all of a sudden I just started crying for no apparent reason.  I thought to myself that this was going to be an emotional class today.  We were running a little late so my daughter asked to drive because she thinks she could get us there faster than her slow driving mama!  I graciously agree so I could spend the car ride in a light meditation to prepare for class.  In my head a story started developing. I could visualize a hand of a man who seemed to be much older.  Then I saw one single jingle bell. Then that turned into a row of bells.  I got the feeling these bells hung on a door and that this older gentleman got quit annoyed with them in a humorous kind of way. He then showed me a garden.  At that moment I felt the sadness that I had felt earlier.  I think he was showing me his wifes grief.  I saw a small white cat and then the message came.  ” I will be here waiting for you, but take your time.  You have a lot of life to live and people still need you.”  And that was it…  I turned to my daughter who was driving and told her of this amazing story I had just imagined. But then here comes the part when MY brain takes over.  Based on past history I am going to TRUST that what I had just imagined was spirit communicating with me.  The gentleman was older and the message was for his wife so if this was spirit, I should have an older lady in our class today that is meant to hear it. Right?

We get to class and yes we were ALOT late.  Traffic was horrible!!!  We walk in and the only people there was our teacher and one other regular student who I know for sure has not lost a husband.  Sigh.. Maybe it was my imagination and not spirit afterall.  About twenty minutes goes by in class and we are doing some medium exercises when soeone knocks on the door.  A brand new student comes in apologizing for being late.  Her GPS took her on an adventure.  Well, this lady was my age and through conversation I learned was married. Not the person I am looking for. Now I was really confused.  It was my turn to get up and try and connect with spirit and give a reading. I was struggling with myself on whether to forget everything I had gotten on the car ride since it didnt apparently fit or just trust and say what I saw.  I chose the latter.  I stood up and I said I was not 100% sure who this is going to be for.  I have an older gentleman who presented himself to me as a husband.  I went on to decribe the bells on the door and his annoyance with them because he couldnt sneak in at night. I heard a gasp come from the side of the room and it was the new student. She confirmed, it was her dad.  His wife had bells hanging from the door knob and it was a joke in the house. Everytime he would get home late those darn bells would wake her up!  I went on to deliver the other information I had received and the great sadness I had felt.  His wife was still hurting really bad.  I come to find out the death was pretty recent and that she was having a very difficult time. It was a beautiful experience filled with lots of tears.  The new student also mentioned that his wife was probably twenty+years his junior.

It wasn’t until days later as I reflected on that experience to find the lesson in it that I realized exactly what spirit was working on with me. Watch out for sterotypes. Give whats being given.  Trust the process. Spirit is way smarter than I am. If I am getting a message its because they know that person will be there!  I am the student and they are the teacher. Well Mr. John Holand,  I think I am starting to bloom.

 

 

 

 

 

One Home Two Mediums

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It’s a peaceful Sunday evening at the house. A time to reflect and refocus.  I am inspired to write and make note of the lessons I am learning along this crazy journey. Writing  brings me clarity to situations that present itself.  There is so much to learn. I guess that’s what “development” means.  As I sit here formulating the words to type with ideas swirling in my head I cant help but  focus on another great gift that has been given to me. Some Mediums live a pretty secluded life.  It can be hard for people to understand.  It is easier for people to think we are crazy, or mental,  than to even fathom the alternative. It would be especially hard if you had no one to celebrate your milestones with.   God knew what he was doing when he decided that my path in life would be Mediumship. He gave that same path to my daughter, Jazmine.  And he did it at the EXACT SAME TIME!  Our journey started simultaneously. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”, she repeatedly reminds me. Yes, I am aware!

Her life has not been easy. She has suffered some great losses in her twenty-six years.  And when you first experience with death is your best friend at the young age of 18, that is exceptionally hard. The grief never went away.  She battled depression, suicidal thoughts, and lived in darkness for a very long time.  Then one meeting with a psychic/medium this January sent her down the road to healing.  A seed had been planted that life after death does exist and that she had the gift to be a healer if she chose to pursue it. She was now presented with a choice.   She was finally able to see another option for her life.  She now had a clear choice in the path she wanted to take. This path or a path of self destruction.  I am very proud that she decided that she wanted to take the hurt and grief that she suffered  and channel that into helping others going through the same thing.  She made the decision that she was going to be a Medium.

This past week I was able to watch her work for the first time. I asked her to read for someone that was too close to me to be able to give a non-biased reading for.  It was simply an amazing experience to watch.  She asked a few questions about the person to make sure she was connecting to the right spirit and then she just went for it and the information just flowed beautifully.  She captured the love and feelings of the spirit that was coming through and delivered a beautiful message and relevant guidance for the person she was reading for. I sometimes just cant believe how lucky I am to be able to experience this magic. I am in awe of  her confidence, determination, and her all knowing that this is what she was meant to do.  I am learning so much from her spirit. The confidence I lack she makes up for ten-fold!  I can not wait to see what is in store for her future. She is destined for greatness and will touch so many souls in her lifetime. I am a very proud mama and I have the feeling that we will be working together a lot in the future. As our teacher put it this weekend, I will attract the older generation and she will attract the millennia’s. What a spiritual power team!  Our light shines doubly bright in this home. Thank you for coming along on this crazy ride with me!!!

 

ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF THE MOMENT

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I recently wrote about the highs and lows of mediumship. I have struggled with recovering from that day and so looking forward to this weekend of classes to regroup.  While I was getting ready for my favorite meditation class tonight, literally minutes ago, spirit used that opportunity to remind me that they did give me a remarkable experience that day.  I just failed to enjoy the beauty of the moment because I was so stuck on  my perceived failure of the day.

Exactly two weeks ago I attended my favorite medication class like I do every other Thursday night.  During this class our teacher took us on a guided meditation where we were going to work on hearing sounds in our mind.  It was a beautiful experience for me.  I started our hearing a guitar strumming.  I got lost in the beautiful sound of the music.  It was very relaxing and peaceful. Then the guitar sound faded slowly  and wind chimes started playing as if blowing in a calm wind.  Now wind chimes wouldn’t have been a sound that I would have thought of.  I knew that was not my imagination, but this class is about going within, not about communicating with spirit.  I tried to enjoy the tones like the exercise called for, but the Medium in me just couldn’t let it go.  I listened carefully.  What do the wind chimes mean?  Then I got the overwhelming since that they were a gift for someone I know.  Yes, that is what they were.  I was suppose to get these wind chimes for this person who I would be seeing that Saturday afternoon.  I also heard the message “Enjoy the beauty of the moment”.

I spent all day Friday going from store to store to try and find a nice wind chime in November.  That was a struggle for sure!   I actually gave up.  Plus, how weird that I show up with a gift for this person and its wind chimes.  What if she hates wind chimes?  How would I explain this whole thing.  Forget it!  It was probably all in my head.  I probably imagined it all up.  Then came Saturday.  On my way to class I got this URGE to stop at one more place.  Well they had a very nice selection left of wind chimes.  I spent about fifteen minutes just trying to  pick the right ones. I finally settled on a pair with a beautiful tone and a wire and jeweled frog on the top.  By this time I had fifteen minutes to get to class and stop and get a card and a gift bag.  Whew!!!!  Talk about last minute idea!!  I made it to class and as we all know from my previous blog, it was less than successful for me.  After class I gave the gift to my friend.   I was a little nervous at this point.  Will she even like it?  Will she think I have lost my mind?  A wind chime in November?   She slowly unwrapped the odd shaped gift.  She looked at it for a very very long minute and then looked up at me and said “this is perfect, did you think of this yourself?”.   Weird question right?  Well not really. We are Mediums mind you.  I told her no, I think someone else wanted me to give these to you.  And really bad apparently.  She went on to tell me the story of a loved one she had that is crossed over.  She regularly seeks out Mediums to help her to communicate with this person.  In one session she had, the Medium told her to mediate outside and listen to the wind chimes.  Well, she didn’t own any wind chimes.  So she would sit out side and listen to the neighbors.  This was her way of connecting with this loved one.  WOW!  Really???  So I didn’t “imagine” this stuff?   She went on to tell me that today was his birthday as well.  And it was so like him to give her a gift on his birthday.

But it wasn’t till RIGHT NOW that I even realized how magical that was!!!!  I let my disappointment in myself cloud the beauty of the moment.  I mean really how more magical and beautiful can it get?  Love is eternal.  As I wrap up this blog, I am excited to the possibilities of what magic is yet to come this week.  Everyone, stop and enjoy the beauty of the moment and don’t get lost in the ugliness of the past.   Nameste!

Why I Became A Medium

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When people first find out I am studying to become a Medium their initial reaction is commonly skepticism.  And that is ok.  It is a tough thing to believe in.  I get that.  Not everyone has experienced the loss of a close loved one yet in their lifetime.  Unfortunately I have and at a fairly young age.  When I was nineteen years old (1990) I got the call from my mom that I needed come home.  I was over at my boyfriends house at the time. So I did, I went home a little concerned at what was going on.  When I walked into the house my mom was up and in the living room waiting for me.  She had a somber look on her face and it looked as if she had been crying.  I knew something must be terribly wrong. Did my grandmother pass away?  My grandfather?  If it was one of them I think I would have been more prepared.  That is the natural order of life right?  But unfortunately it wasn’t.  The words “your dad is gone, he passed away early this morning” came out of her mouth.  I sat there in utter shock.  My dad?  How could that possibly be?  He was too young to die!!

My parents were divorced when I was a little girl but there was this bond that I had with him all my life.  He was the most important man of my life.  I can not even explain in words the love I had/have for him. My dad had just retired from the Army weeks earlier and decided to buy a pecan farm near Midland, Texas.  He planned on moving his family to Midland to live out his new dream.  Before he could move everyone to their new home, my dad and his Army buddy had to go down to get the house ready.  One night he decided to light the pilot light on the furnace.  By the next morning my dad was gone.  The latch on the furnace did not properly close and the house filled with carbon monoxide. And just like that all of our lives changed.  We were all sent down a different path whether we knew it then or not.  My dad would never walk me down the aisle.  My dad would never meet his grandchildren.  I could never call my dad to help me fix my car.  I would never experience my dad being able to come over and help me fix a leak.  I no longer had a dad to make me feel safe.  I no longer had a dad to run to when I was sad.  I went numb!!!  I spent the next twenty plus years being angry at him.  I especially became angry with him because he never came back to me in a paranormal since either.

Years after his passing I began to be curious about the paranormal. But that is all it was, a curiosity.  When mediums finally started to become more accepted and had TV shows I could not get enough.  WOW I thought.  This stuff has to be real.  Why wasn’t I a chosen one?  I would give anything to hear from my dad again!  My curiosity was always a deep part of me.  But life happens.  You work everyday, you raise children for twenty years, you just live the busy life.  It wasn’t until 2012 that I read about a local gallery reading being held where four Mediums were going to demonstrate.  I was immediately drawn to it and just new I had to go!!!  So I did.  I went with the hope of FINALLY hearing from my daddy!!!  I was heart broken when he didn’t come through.  Again, why?  Why wasn’t he coming to me?  Was I wrong about our bond?  I was devastated.   The experience did lead me to the realization that Mediums just aren’t on TV.  There are ones local that I could reach out to see.  So that is what I did.  I was drawn to a particular Medium that night and decided to book a private reading.  She had a pretty long wait list.  It took me four months to get it.  But it was so worth the wait!!!

In February of 2013 I met with a Medium named Jennifer Farmer.  During that session I FINALLY heard from my dad.  It was the most amazing experience of my life.  She gave me detailed information about my dad so that I was assured she was connecting to him.  He apologized for not being around.  He validated my anger at him.  His words, “its ok, daughters are suppose to get angry at their dads” and then he chuckled.  That was so like him.  Never a serious moment around him.  He also shared that he does know his grandchildren.  He gave detailed information about each of them and what was going on in their life.   That one hour I spent with her healed 23 years of hurt and anger and sadness.  What a magical gift.  What a healing gift. I just wanted to scream to the world that this is so real.  Our loved ones are here.  They are sharing our life with us.

I spent the next two years still fascinated with Mediums and their gifts.  Wishing I could do what they do so effortlessly.  Wishing I could help heal people the way I was healed.   But you have to be born with it right? Well, what I have since learned is really everyone is born with the ability.  Everyone has the gift.  For some people the gift is forced upon them when they are young and then there are people like me who are drawn to it through tragic events and decide to purposely develop it (which in reality just means it was part of your path to begin with).   And  here  I am now.  I am on this miraculous journey to becoming a Medium and gaining the ability to help people heal.  I have had the pleasure of studying under some great teachers.  I learn more and more everyday. And the best part?  I have an amazing relationship again with my daddy.  He is right by my side through all of this.  He is with me at every class and give students a spirit to communicate with.  When I get frustrated and want to quit, he is right there to push me forward. He is my rock.  He is my reason why.  I now know he has been with me my entire life.  Even as I write this blog, I can feel him around me giving me the strength to hold back the tears.  Love you Daddy!

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The Highs and Lows of Mediumship

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I promised myself when I started documenting this journey that I would include everything.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  Well, this week has been full of highs and lows.  I had taken five steps ahead in my confidence level only to take six steps back yesterday.  Everyone looking in from the outside thinks “what a gift to have”, but you have no idea the personal responsibility that weighs on a Medium and the amount of work and perseverance it takes to become a good one. Many tears I have shed, days I want to give up, fear I have to fight through, yet a handful of hearts I have helped heal.

It had been a great week!  I had been receiving many messages an validations on a project I have been led to do. I am starting to get really excited about the direction this journey is taking me. I have come out of the psychic closet publicly.  No more hiding what I am and what I am doing.  My confidence is gaining momentum.  I am starting to see the results of the work I have put in over the last 10 months.  Saturday I even woke up to an amazing message from a friend who read my blog about my experience with her and her son who is on the other side.  My heart was so full!  I was pretty excited about the day.  It was class day!   Every other Saturday I attend a psychic development class followed immediately by a mediumship development class. I only get 2 Saturdays a month to practice and develop my skills, so when its class day I get really excited!

The start of psychic development class was no different than any other time I have been.  We usually start with a meditation so that we can get into the zone.  This meditation however was a little different.  Instead of meeting a guide who gives me a message I was greeted by a young boy. The experience with him was a little surreal. I have never been interrupted during a meditation by someone in spirit. He held my hand and we ran through the fields.   He carried with him a small truck in his hand.  I spent the whole meditation getting to know him.  While on Earth he was sick.  He had an illness for a long time.  He was showing me that he is ok now.  He is playing an laughing with me.  Once the meditation was over I knew that this little boy must belong to someone in class.  Why else would he come to me?  In my mind he was this little reddish/blonde haired  boy with freckles who had cancer and passed away and wanted to let someone know he was ok and he didn’t want them to be sad anymore.  There was a new man that had come to class that day that I was strangely being pulled toward.  I could feel his hurt and pain.  He was in great turmoil emotionally (I am an empathy and I can feel others emotions).  This little boy must belong to him.  He also has reddish blonde hair.  I was 99% sure!!!  Him and I were put together during class to work on a psychic exercise.  I got up the guts to ask him if he or anyone he had known lost a little red head boy.  He sat and thought for a moment and said “no”. No?  Really?  I was 99% sure he was for him!!  I couldn’t believe it.  At that point I had lost all focus. How could I have been so sure about something like that and It not be true!!  Although I tried not to show it, I was devastated!

Class soon ended and the mediumship development class was about to start.  The man I had been focused on stayed for the next class and two new women came in.  I sat in the corner of the room still trying to figure out where I had gone wrong.  I saw everything in my mind.  It has taken me 10 months to trust what I see.  How could I have imagined this little boy?   I was determined to figure it out.  During class we all take turns standing up and connecting with someone’s loved one on the other side. When it was my turn I continued to focus on this man.  During the last class he had told me he mom had passed when he was in his late twenties.  So I let me mind create the scenario that maybe his mom was the one connecting with me and trying to show me him as a child and she was the one actually sick.  Well let me tell you, that was a train wreck!  I was defeated and I gave up.

Another regular student in the class who I have gotten close to  had a turn to go up and give it a try.  The first thing she said is “I have a little boy here, maybe 7”.  WHAT? Is that my same little boy?   She went on to say “there is definitely a little boy, has anyone lost a son?” I looked around the room and could not believe that one of the new ladies was nodding her head with the caveat that the age didn’t fit. I was dumfounded.  Was that my little boy that I had seen in my meditation?  I sat and watched as the reading was being given and was still unsure if they were the same.  This is a development class so not a lot of detail is required at this level.  She got that daisy’s were significant and a high school.  It wasn’t until she gave the message as why he was here that I KNEW that was my little boy.  The message to the mom was ” I don’t want you to be sad anymore”.  That was the same message my little boy gave me to deliver.  I could not believe I go it all so wrong!!  Was I too over confident?  Why did I continue to focus on the wrong person even after he told me it wasn’t for him? Why did I translate a long illness to cancer?  You see, this mom lost her son who was 13 of a heart attack while he was at baseball camp.  How did I get it all completely wrong?  How could I let this beautiful spirit down and more importantly let down his mom from receiving a his message?  I have not been able to shake the experience.  I hardly slept replaying in my mind exactly where I went wrong.  Chose to be alone today to sort it all out.  I know there has to be a lesson embedded somewhere.

After playing hermit today and shedding some tears I can now look back and see what went wrong.  I gave up.  I tried to force something.  No doesn’t mean I was wrong, no means the interpretation I had was wrong.  I should have pushed through it.  I shouldn’t have been so focused on the detail being exactly right.  Regardless I will not let that one experience defeat me.  I will push on.  Its about growth, and I have truly grown from the experience.  I am a Medium!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Personal Peace

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Recently at a work dinner function I was asked a question I was not prepared to answer.  We were all talking about personal accomplishments in our life at the moment and I made a comment that I am in the best place personally than I have ever been.  I am not talking financially or romantically, I am talking about me.  The core of who I am.  My own personal peace.  With that statement came the question “what do you credit it that to?”.  Huh? I was not prepared to answer that question to co-workers. I can not tell them that I have found my passion, my thing, the thing that makes me me!  I cant tell them of my journey to becoming a Medium!  They will all think that I have completely lost my mind!  Somehow I stumbled through the conversation and avoided the answer completely! But it did leave me feeling a little vulnerable. So I have been thinking a lot of what exactly I have done to get me to my personal  peace.  I have done a lot of work of myself over the past 11 months.  This takes a commitment to want change.  It takes commitment to practice everyday. It takes commitment to be the you that you deserve to be.  It takes GRATITUDE, MEDITATION, AFFIRMATION and FORGIVENESS.

Gratitude will take some work especially if you perceive yourself to have been a victim of circumstance all of your life. You have to wake up everyday and be thankful for something. Once you do that you can begin to be thankful for everything.  Look and be grateful for every situation, every outcome, every blessing and every lesson. Walk everyday in gratitude and the blessings will come.

Meditation changed my life and that is not an understatement.  It was not easy to start with.  I committed to meditating daily. I  learned to control my mind. I learned to enjoy spending time with myself.  I learned to listen to my inner self.  I also learned to listen to what my spirit guides had to say. Meditation is about going within.  Discovering who you are. Opening yourself up to the magic of the universe. This is an essential part of my life now.

Affirmations are key to changing our thought pattern.  I lived in a world of self sabotage.  I cant, I’m not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’ not smart enough, blah blah blah.  I created a vision board and wrote down all the things that I am or that I wanted to be.  Every day I would look at my board and say those things out load.  You have to state them out load so the universe can hear you and so that you start believing those things to be truth. Change your thoughts by changing what you speak.  Remember, your thoughts can become your reality.

Lastly and probably one of the most important actions you can take for yourself is forgiveness. The first step in forgiveness is to forgive yourself. We are not perfect by design.  It is ok to make mistakes.  Its ok to not be perfect. Its ok to be human. Once you can forgive yourself you can work on the equally important task of forgiving others.  Forgive them so you free yourself from being kept hostage to their actions.  Everyone is on their own personal journey and are human too.  It will be up to them to face and forgive themselves for the actions they have done to others.

Now when asked the question “what do you credit towards your state of peace right now?”, I can honestly say it took months of hard work to change my thoughts to become my reality through gratitude, meditation, affirmations, and forgiveness.